True confidence

If you believe in yourself, you can achieve anything. Visualize success and it will happen. Positive self-talk is the key. Go for the gold and let no one get in your way.

Those tips might help you develop a great jump shot or close that big sale, but they won’t make you a successful person. Have you noticed how many star athletes make a mess of their personal lives? The will to win is great in competition, but it tends to wreak havoc in relationships.

Belief in yourself as an exclusive guiding principle is a recipe for misery. That may sound like heresy in our age of self-worship, but the self is a particularly undependable little idol. What happens when you let yourself and others down? And you will, again and again.

Granted, self-confidence is an attractive, magnetic quality. Many leaders have it. They seem to know who they are and where they are going. Especially in times of chaos and confusion, we are drawn to them. We would follow them anywhere — even over a cliff, which is where some of them take us.

Julius Caesar was adored by his troops, whom he led to great victories in Britain, Gaul and elsewhere. But power went to his head. “I came, I saw, I conquered,” he famously declared after one glorious conquest. Governing Rome wasn’t quite as simple. When he took dictatorial power, delivering a fatal blow to the tottering Roman Republic, his opponents returned the favor by assassinating him on the Senate floor.

“Give us a king,” the Israelites cried out in the days of Samuel, many centuries before Caesar. For them, God Himself as divine king wasn’t enough; they wanted to be more like the nations around them. Samuel, a faithful servant of God and righteous judge of Israel, took their request to the Almighty. His response: “Listen to the voice of the people … for they have not rejected you, but they have rejected Me from being king over them” (1 Samuel 8:7 NASB). They ended up with Saul, who accepted the crown reluctantly but held on to it violently — long after he had lost the blessing of the Lord.

Moral of the story: Choose your leaders carefully, starting with yourself. They all are fallible — except for Jesus Christ, the sinless One. In this world, seek role models who display authentic confidence, not the counterfeit kind.

“Confidence is not bravado, or swagger, or an overt pretense of bravery,” says Dharmesh Shah, software company founder, author and frequent blogger. “Confidence is not some bold or brash air of self-belief directed at others.”

In a recent article, Shah listed some qualities shared by “truly confident people.” His perspective and primary audience are business-oriented, but several of the qualities he highlighted have spiritual resonance:

 “They listen 10 times more than they speak. Bragging is a mask for insecurity. Truly confident people are quiet and unassuming. They already know what they think; they want to know what you think.”

 “They duck the spotlight so it shines on others. Perhaps it’s true they did the bulk of the work. Perhaps they really did overcome the major obstacles. Perhaps it’s true they turned a collection of disparate individuals into an incredibly high-performance team. … [But] truly confident people don’t need the glory … . They don’t need the validation of others, because true validation comes from within. So they stand back and celebrate their accomplishments through others. They let others shine — a confidence boost that helps those people become truly confident, too.”

 “They freely ask for help. Many people feel asking for help is a sign of weakness … . Confident people are secure enough to admit a weakness. … [Also], they know that when they seek help they pay the person they ask a huge compliment. Saying, ‘Can you help me?’ shows tremendous respect for that individual’s expertise and judgment.”

 “They don’t put down other people. Generally speaking, the people who like to gossip, who like to speak badly of others, do so because they hope by comparison to make themselves look better. The only comparison a truly confident person makes is to the person she was yesterday — and to the person she hopes to someday become.”

Ouch. I wish I could go back and change all the times I have failed to follow those wise guidelines because of insecurity, foolish pride or ego. Truly confident people are humble, teachable, eager to encourage others and help them grow, excited to reproduce and multiply success in the lives of others. That sounds like an effective disciple-maker to me. Compare Shah’s tips to the qualities of authentic love outlined by the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NASB):

“Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.”

That is true confidence in action, because the object and source of true confidence is not ourselves but Christ.

The power of influence

He didn’t have time to encourage a confused kid, but he did anyway.

He was Hoffman Harris, the busy pastor of fast-growing Briarlake Baptist Church in Decatur, Ga. The confused kid was me.

I was a new member of his church back in the ’70s. I was finishing college and struggling with a call to serve God. Pastor Harris had sermons to write and things to do. He had hundreds of other people and priorities clamoring for his attention. But he made time on a regular basis to talk to me, patiently answer countless dumb questions and connect me to key people he knew from his many years in ministry.

When I became a Mission Service Corps volunteer with the Home (now North American) Mission Board, he persuaded an understandably doubtful mission committee at Briarlake to provide partial support for an untested, untried young man. After I left the Atlanta area to join the International Mission Board staff in Richmond, Va., he kept in touch with me — more faithfully than I kept in touch with him.

There was something about “Hoff.” When he preached or talked to you, he wasn’t just saying words. He was giving you his heart. You felt you were the sole focus of his attention. Jesus’ disciples must have felt that way during His earthly ministry.

If not for Hoffman Harris, I probably never would have gotten involved in mission communication. If not for Bill and Joyce Dillard, I probably would have quit after the first few years. Bill was pastor of Parham Road Baptist Church, the congregation I joined after moving to Richmond. The Dillards not only welcomed me as a member, but fed me countless meals (the sure way to a single guy’s heart) and let me sleep on their couch when I was feeling lonely and discouraged. No advance notice was required: The door was open, the place at the table was set. They had their own sons, but happily “adopted” many guys like me through the years.

I could name other friends, relatives, mentors and missionaries who have freely given me their time and wisdom, with no agenda beyond love and no expectation of return beyond the joy they received in giving. If you look back, you will find people in your life who have done the same for you. They are the people you will remember with gratitude when the finish line comes into sight.

I am amazed at the number of books, articles, speeches, sermons, seminars and videos about “leadership” flooding the market these days when so little real leadership is on display. Never has so much been said about something so rarely practiced. Why are so many institutions, businesses, churches, families and relationships crumbling? There are many reasons, but one of them is lack of authentic leadership at every level of society.

“Leadership is about influence,” writes Jeremie Kubicek. “Influence is power. And how you use that power will affect your world and those around you. Will you choose to empower or overpower? To liberate or dominate?”

Kubicek, who runs a company that coaches and develops leaders, is author of Leadership is Dead: How Influence is Reviving it, published in 2011. Yet another book about leadership, you groan. But Kubicek is on to something. He thinks leadership is dead because many so-called “leaders” have abandoned their real responsibility in pursuit of self-aggrandizement, which devalues others, or self-preservation, which defines mediocrity.

“You don’t need massive power or a prominent position to lead positive change in an organization,” he says. “You need only influence: the most potent and underutilized professional resource on the planet. … Great leaders with true influence build relationships by serving the needs of those within their spheres of influence, even as they serve the needs of their businesses. This isn’t just a business tactic; it is a lifestyle.”

And it applies to every area of life. Influence comes from trust, according to Kubicek. No one trusts — or willingly follows — a leader who looks out only for No.1. But people will follow a generous influencer almost anywhere. “To have influence, you have to reach beyond your walls and give yourself for the benefit of others.”

That takes time, commitment and humility.

Maybe this sounds familiar: “For we never came with flattering speech, as you know, nor with a pretext for greed — God is witness — nor did we seek glory from men, either from you or from others, even though as apostles of Christ we might have asserted our authority. But we proved to be gentle among you, as a nursing mother tenderly cares for her own children. Having so fond an affection for you, we were well-pleased to impart to you not only the gospel of God but also our own lives, because you had become very dear to us” (1 Thessalonians 2:5-8, NASB).

That’s the Apostle Paul, who knew something about leadership, and he didn’t need a fancy seminar to learn it. He mastered the art of true leadership under the tutelage of the Holy Spirit — and the guidance of faithful believers who prepared him to be the great missionary and disciple-maker he was.

Above all, Paul loved and served the disciples he made. His words were powerful, his example more so.

I learned that truth from Hoffman Harris and Bill and Joyce Dillard, who understood what real leadership is all about.

The heart of a leader

Listen to an audio version at http://media1.imbresources.org/files/65/6533/6533-36490.mp3

The historic rise of Barack Obama to the presidency has rekindled an old question: Who is a leader?

Is a leader someone who inspires others to follow by the power of vision and example? Is a leader a charismatic individual who attracts followers with personal magnetism? Does a leader impose authority on others by sheer force of will, or persuade them with reason?

“The enormous potential of human leadership ranges from Attila the Hun to Mother Teresa,” writes Joseph S. Nye, a Harvard University professor and author of The Powers to Lead. “Most everyday leaders remain unheralded. The role of heroic leadership in war has led us to over-emphasize command and control and hard military power — and downplay other styles of leadership.”

In Nye’s view, we need to see leaders less in “heroic terms of command” than as people who excel in “encouraging participation throughout an organization, group or network.”

Doesn’t sound very exciting. But for all his charisma and oratorical gifts, Obama probably would agree with Nye’s definition of leadership. To succeed as a national leader, he must find ways to bring together many people with differing opinions to accomplish urgent objectives. Abraham Lincoln, the leader Obama often cites as a model, brilliantly co-opted his political opponents by bringing them into his cabinet — the “team of rivals” — during a time of great national crisis.

Lincoln, however, possessed other attributes in short supply among many contemporary “leaders”: personal honesty, moral courage — and humility.

“He was a strong man, and like most men quietly confident of their strength, without vanity or self-consciousness,” observes historian Paul Johnson. “He invariably did the right thing, however easily it might be avoided. Of how many other great men can that be said?”

Not many — particularly these days. Eighty percent of Americans believe the nation faces a “leadership crisis,” according to a poll by Harvard’s Center for Public Leadership.

The center, in collaboration with U.S. News and World Report, recently convened a panel of judges from various fields to select 24 of “America’s Best Leaders” from more than 100 nominees (see http://www.usnews.com/features/news/special-reports/best-leaders.html).

The panel defined a leader as someone who “motivates people to work collaboratively to accomplish great things.” They rated nominees based on their effectiveness in setting direction by “building a shared sense of purpose” to make a “positive social impact”; achieving results of “significant breadth and depth”; and cultivating a culture of growth by “inspiring others to lead.”

Their choices, the fourth such listing published by U.S. News, recognized famous and lesser-known leaders, including educators, scientists, physicians, business executives and entrepreneurs, military officers, politicians, activists and artists.

Many of these leaders richly deserve recognition for their work. What struck me, however, was this: No religious or spiritual leader made the list of 24. Not one.

Did the panelists conclude there is not a single American religious leader motivating others to “accomplish great things”? Or was their perspective on leadership so secular that they didn’t even consider religious work worthy of consideration? I don’t know. But if they’re open to nominations for next year’s list, here’s mine: Eric Reese.

Reese, 42, a Southern Baptist missionary serving in Brazil, recently received the Pedro Ernesto Medal of Merit from Rio de Janeiro, named in memory of a renowned mayor who fought poverty in the city. It’s the highest honor conferred by the city on its citizens and foreigners.
Reese puts his life on the line daily to work with the poor in some of the most dangerous favelas (slums) of Rio, where shootouts, prostitution and drug trafficking rule the streets. He’s been threatened by drug dealers and paramilitary gang members, but he’s befriended them, too. Watch him tell his own amazing story here.

“I might be crazy,” the Albany, Ga., native admitted to a reporter. “But one thing I know: I know Jesus, and I'm gonna preach His name. I'm passionate about my work. Back when I was in the Army, fighting and jumping out of airplanes ... I told God I’d do the same for Him.”

And he motivates Brazilians formerly trapped in misery to do it, too.

“There are people who have overcome fear. There are people who have overcome the stereotypes of these communities. And they come in and they set up things and they tell me what to do. They lead out.”

People like Marcia, once a prostitute and drug addict. Now she goes into dangerous places with Reese to rescue others from darkness.

“If you could see her when we met her and see her now,” Reese says, voice cracking. “Only the grace of God can do that.”

Reese doesn’t risk his life in Rio for awards or recognition. He does it because he loves God and God’s children.

Still, U.S. News and Harvard, if you’re looking for someone who “motivates people to work collaboratively to accomplish great things,” I’d match Reese up with all your academics, executives and politicians.